Questions that Matter: What the heck do I want?
By Fred Akau ‘20
After those seemingly endless years of high school, craving for that BIG next-step towards a new life of experience, opportunity, and (quite honestly) some fun, college has finally arrived. The long-awaited “best years of your life” have manifested themselves into that pretty sleek-looking, cardinal & gold, U-S-C acceptance packet. There is a tangible excitement when imagining the infinite paths your life can take; how, for what seems like the first time, you are in full control of what that path is.
But, alas, that initial excitement now seems to have simmered down, and many of us are simply left confused, lost, and horribly indecisive. The endless list of opportunity that we once sought after has now turned into an endless series of difficult choices, a persistent frustration in deciding: “What the heck do I want?”
- Is this major what I really want to do with my life career? Am I cut out for Medical school, Law school, or Graduate school?
- Should I join Greek Life? A volunteer group? Or a club at the Involvement Fair? Or focus on getting a job, improving my resume, and landing an internship?
- What about choosing my friends? Do I want to build on my current relationships or make new ones?
Life is confusing. And college life can feel especially confusing because these are the years when you find out “who you are”. A chance to maybe change who you were, or even explore a side of yourself that you just never had the chance to. The real confusing part is the mental balancing between finding your identity, or who you are, and actively choosing your identity. When “life” seems to be giving you “lemons”, oranges, apples, and an entire “fruit-basket-variety” of opportunities to explore that identity, it only adds to the frustration. Having so many options, yet not knowing which one to pick.
See if the following rings any bells:
It’s literally any day of the week. You and your friend are hungry.
You ask “Hey, where should we eat?”
They reply (always) “I have no idea. I can eat anything. What’d YOU wanna eat?”
“Uhh idk, what about a TYPE of food you want?”
“Yup I’m pretty much good with anything.”
“That literally doesn’t answer the question dude.”
And after 40 mins of reviewing Yelp posts, searching Postmates/UberEats, even mapping out of all restaurants on Figueroa, you and your friend are just even hungrier and no closer to picking a place to eat. You just can’t seem to figure out what you want to eat, right?
And just as everyone is plagued with this curse of “can’t-ever-pick-where-I-want-to-eat”, everyone does occasionally find difficulty in what they want from USC, college, or in their lives. By difficulty in finding what we want, I mean to say: with USC’s infinite array of academic, social, and career programs, clubs, groups, and organizations, it is difficult to finally pick one and stick to it, as there is fear in having to give up the possibilities of the alternate choices. Even once you finally have made a decision, you may still tend to look back on what “could have been” and on the sort of lifestyle you could have had if you just went in that particular direction. It isn’t enough to be limited to just one narrow sort of lifestyle. You want to try everything! And while I cannot even attempt to imagine what all of you individually want, I will provide some advice that will hopefully be of use in decluttering some confusion.
Confusing your wants with someone else’s wants
One of the very common setbacks that many face in figuring out what they want is trying to pursue what they think other people want, or what makes other people happy. It’s fairly easy to compare yourself to the many other Trojans similarly situated to you. We create soft images of “Oh, that’s what I should be doing” or “that’s what I should be striving for” by constantly observing others who seem to “have it together”. While there is nothing wrong with having peers to whom you look up to, it does have the chance to incite a dangerous cycle. When you put their wants, goals, and desires on a pedestal and then fail to live up to that pedestal, you feel disappointed, unaccomplished, and unsatisfied. Somebody else’s idea of a “lit” weekend is not necessarily the same as yours. Someone else’s idea of “good grades” are certainly not the same as yours, either. To try and find your own wants based off of other people’s is a steep, uphill battle.
Planning for the Future, while Living in the Moment
As college students, we all strive to live by the old adage of “living in the moment”; to be having the best time at all times, to make sure not to miss a single, passing moment, lest our college years “go to waste”. The problem with this is that our immediate wants almost never align with our future wants. Would you much rather go out with your friends on a Saturday night rather than study for an exam? Probably. But who do you listen to? Now-me that wants to have fun and “live life”? or Future-me that wants to be able to have a successful career? While this scenario seems simple enough, we all know reality never usually is. The point is, our confusion and “halt” in deciding what we want is sometimes because of a contradiction along a “time” framework. We have conflicting short-term, medium-term, and long-term wants and goals.
Now, even once you have generally sorted out the “kinks” above and seem to have really recognized what you want, the hardest obstacle is finally choosing between those equally contradicting wants. For instance, it is simply impossible to study Biology, Business, AND Accounting (at least not at the same time). While you may genuinely want ALL of those options, no one can have everything. And we are right back to the beginning of not knowing “where to eat”.
Unfortunately, the only way to find what you really want is to have some serious self-thinking and contemplation. I know, a very cliché answer: “finding what you want is about looking inside”. But, even though it’s the most satisfying of answers, it still holds true.
Gratitude. And a little bit of Attitude.
The first step I would suggest is to take a temporary step back. Distance yourself from such a heavy focus on what’s right in front of you, away from the list of deadlines, tests, and obligations that can really cloud your perspective, and instead, focus on gratitude and appreciation for the accomplishments, experiences, joy, laughter, and pain that has brought you front and square to where you are in life. You can’t possibly have a solid foundation in knowing what you want, if you don’t have deep appreciation for what you already have.
Secondly, life truly does not stop for anyone. Too often, people succumb to choice paralysis which is when they’re scared to make the wrong choice, so they refuse to make any choice, except for spending their whole life with one foot out the door. Do not let “indecisiveness” be the cause for your own stagnation in moving forward in life.
Instead, I would say to “Carpe Diem”! Seize the day! It is much better to fully commit to a decision and find out it was “wrong” than to wait around for when you are “ready” or when you finally think you found that exact, “right” answer. Never be afraid of an uncomfortable situation. If you constantly avoid leaving your comfort zone, what demands a few moments of courage can end up turning into a lasting regret But, don’t stress. Figuring out things like our wants, purpose, and true identity are all a lifetime’s work. And so, as Rick Sanchez once said:
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