From Stoicism to Self-Care: Men's Mental Health
photo credit: iStock / SDI Productions
by Juan Miguel Bugayong (Student Health Blogger)
As National Men’s Health Awareness month comes to a close, you may be asking: Miguel, if November is over, why are you writing about this now? Despite the helpfulness of having a month dedicated to men’s health topics, we should be talking about these challenges year-round - especially when it comes to mental health. In American culture and many other cultures worldwide, vulnerability about men’s mental health and open conversations about solutions are seen as taboo. The perception of manhood and masculinity in many cultures, even in the face of health issues, can end up boxing men into black and white categories like emotionally weak (negative) vs. unwaveringly strong (the goal) – which can come at a cost. Many men live with mental health challenges, and it is quite evident in the strong statistics we see today. 31% of men suffer depression in their lifetime and 9% of men have daily feelings of depression or anxiety. But only 1/4 talk to a mental health professional, and only 1/3 take medication.
That’s why National Men’s Health Awareness Month is an amazing opportunity to spend some time to face your feelings and simply live through them, rather than hiding them. If you didn’t have a chance to do that this time, don’t let the date stop you. I took some time to gather my thoughts and no matter when you’re reading this, you can too. Growing up with anxiety and seasons of depression has certainly shaped me to who I am, and is strongly a part of my own identity. This, coupled with going to therapy for three years, has definitely made me more aware of the nuances of men’s mental health. Growing up in a very strict, family-centric, and immigrant Filipino family certainly impressed some strong ideas about manhood and mental health. This is so common, no matter what culture you grew up in. Some of our earliest moments can help inform how we perceive masculinity, and what it ends up meaning to us as young adults. As the only boy out of three children, my father raised me to be somewhat of a “breadwinner,” where I always had to be the future “man of the house” and be strong with my own ideals and confidence. Through Filipino eyes, this was the duty of a father to a son: to teach them how to be strong, to be sustainable not only for oneself, but for every other person around them. From not showing that much emotion, to constantly dealing with hardship and obstacles in private, this was the way to manhood.
While I would like to think that it was my dad’s way of showing me how to be brave or courageous as an anxious kid, it definitely gave me the feeling that I had to be strong no matter what. I felt that I had no room to be vulnerable and no freedom to make mistakes. Success and strength came hand in hand with manliness, and any ounce of emotion created an idea where I was less of a man. This sort of stoicism depicted that there was no line between vulnerability and strength. And when hardships came, ignorance of emotional problems was infinitely better rather than the acceptance of identity. It perpetuated the idea that I had to always be okay.
One day in my senior year or high school, these pent up feelings of anxiousness all came spiraling out to the point where I couldn’t take it. My parents had a stark realization that I needed more professional help, and it was certainly a big shock to them as immigrant parents who didn’t really believe in mental health (at least back then). Over time, I started going to therapy, and it was the best decision of my life. I’m so glad they were able to see what I needed, and helped me connect with the right resource.
I grew to become more in tune with my feelings, more confident in my fluctuating identity, but most importantly, I realized that there was an ability to feel on a spectrum of vast emotions and feelings. When you realize life isn’t, and shouldn’t be ,seen in black and white it's a beautiful feeling.
Reflecting on it today, I know I’m not alone.
My hope is that if you’re reading this and see some of your story in mine, that you take the first step toward finding the right resource for you - just like my parents helped me do years ago. Taking care of our mental health is a daily practice of reminding oneself to actively open up to the world around you; to get curious about why you might be feeling a certain way, or question whether something is an “I’m supposed to” or an “I want to” decision. These present-minded habits create a new path for the new generation of men that don’t have to be defined by unyielding strength, but rather celebrated through our unique identities.
So let us think of National Men’s Health Awareness Month as not a month of restructuring every bit of ourselves to be the most optimal, perfect man, but to celebrate our masculinity in every shape and form.
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