Having Tourette’s Syndrome in College

by Adrian Mendoza ‘25

When I started at USC, I anticipated stressing over homework, homesickness, and an adjustment period to my newfound independence. I didn’t anticipate, but soon learned, that new environments and major life changes are known to aggravate Tourette’s Syndrome. 

Tourette’s Syndrome is a tic disorder that I have lived with since I was in early elementary school. It manifests differently depending on the person and fluctuates in its severity from day to day or across years. My Tourette’s peaked in 2nd grade with a series of vocal and motor tics that I did not yet know how to conceal. This meant it was a common occurrence for the kids around me to mimic and interrogate my outbursts.

Slowly, my tics decreased as I inched toward high school. At that time, I was relieved that the frequent head jerks, muscle tension, and involuntary vocal noises eventually eased, and for years, I was mostly able to repress my tics in social situations. This was not without effort though, and in those moments alone, after repressing them all day, I ticced freely and feared that soon I would no longer be able to control them.

When I began freshman year at USC, I had seven suitemates and found myself in an environment where I was seldom alone. The year prior, I had grown accustomed to being able to turn off my camera on Zoom to let out my tics. Now, there was no hiding the constant urge to twitch, so I made up my mind to let those around me notice in their own time without trying to hide it.

This new experiment taught me that people take a while to notice my tics. Often they’re mistaken for anxious fidgeting and facial expressions (which can get me into trouble). But, unlike my experiences of being made fun of as a kid, I was now surrounded by adults who generally minded their own business.

I was still insecure about my sudden spasms, but for the time being, they were a minor concern. That is until they started to get worse. 

Midway through freshman year, I found myself feeling oddly tense one night and fell into the first of many tic attacks to come. While normal tics are many things – inconvenient, embarrassing, at times, painful–they generally aren’t scary, but tic attacks can feel like you’ll be stuck like that forever. I laid on my bed, unable to control the convulsions that assaulted my limbs, hoping my roommates wouldn’t catch me in this vulnerable position.

It was around this time that I hoped to gain more information on how to manage the disorder. What I found was that nearly all of the online resources for those with Tourette’s Syndrome were actually targeted at parents of children with Tourette’s. This fact-finding journey only left me feeling ashamed to be an adult that hadn’t grown out of my tics.

Sophomore year started off with severe stressors that turned my Tourette’s Syndrome into a constant weight on my shoulders. While Tourette’s Syndrome is outwardly characterized by the tics that you can see and hear, the tics are actually just the release of the internal tension held by someone with Tourette’s. For much of the year, there wasn’t a moment where I could release the tension in my muscles. Sitting still felt like holding my breath. The restlessness was constant, and the tics, however embarrassing and painful, were my relief.

At the same time that I was experiencing this uptake in tics, I was also navigating a new relationship where I found myself spending more time with my partner than I ever had with another person. There was a lot of apologizing for my outbursts of tics early in the relationship, but they were never needed or expected. Eventually, I learned that my partner is unbothered by my Tourette’s and for the first time, I felt I could tic openly around someone else in a way I had only done alone.

After a long period of time where I had tic attacks nearly every night, my partner expressed to me that he couldn’t imagine having to go through them alone – without someone to ground you and remind you that it will end. I thought of the nights I had spent across from my roommates trying to keep quiet so that they wouldn’t know what was happening to me and was reminded how lucky I was to have someone who could hold me as my body fought against me.

My partner was also the one to encourage me to pursue an OSAS letter. Before, I never thought I qualified for accommodations, but eventually the nights of being kept up by my tics showed me that Tourette’s Syndrome is a disability that I shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help with.

Having someone in my life to offer support and never let me feel like an annoyance or a burden allowed me to become more comfortable with my Tourette’s in other areas of my life. Before, few of even my closest friends had a real understanding of my condition, now I’m surrounded by people who need no explanation when I tic, and I’m learning to be less ashamed when my body jolts in public.

I still find myself straining to conceal my tics the moment a professor’s eyes land on me during a lecture, or when I’m sat across from an interviewer trying my best to still my bouncing knee and twitching nose, but I’m far more comfortable allowing those around me to see my movements. I also now remind myself that on those days when I feel fatigued and my muscles ache from the tension and convulsions, I can allow myself to take a sick day, because Tourette’s Syndrome is a chronic condition that affects me like any other disability would.

Want more from Trojans 360?

Visit Trojans 360 on Facebook & Twitter to stay up to date with more student content! You can also Ask A Trojan an anonymous question, and we’ll try to answer it in a future post. And don’t forget to follow us on Instagram!

Trojans 360 is USC’s official student-run blog. Content created by students, for students.