Lessons from a Trojan Heart Breaker

By Roxette Primero

When I first arrived at USC, my thoughts were consumed by the usual freshman worries like choosing the right classes, finding my way around the USC campus, and figuring out which dining hall had the best food. But there was one thing I didn’t expect to be at the forefront of my college experience…love (or whatever else you would call it)

I entered USC like a blank page, unsure of what my romantic story would look like, but hopeful it would involve something more than the occasional “hey wyd” messages. I didn’t realize it at the time, but USC was about to teach me and many others (I'm very sure) the art of love, heartbreak, and everything in between. Don’t get me wrong, I knew college romance was going to be a lot, but from what I've seen, heard, and experienced I didn’t think it was going to be that messy.

Enter my “Trojan Heartbreakers”, the friends who have been my guides through this annoying process. They’ve laughed with me over the absurdity of some dating experiences and comforted me through the pain of others. 

Now, let’s talk about the Trojan Heartbreakers. These are the friends who have been through it all, literally all of it. The ghosting, the late-night “wyd” messages, and the soul-crushing what-are-we-even-doing? Moments and of course their own “that was mean” moments. They’ve emerged from the wreckage with their dignity (or at least some of it) intact and their hearts just a little bit wiser.

So, what’s the takeaway from all of this? The USC dating scene is messy. Period. But it’s also full of potential.

If any of this resonates with you, just know that you’re not alone. We’re all figuring it out as we go. So trust the process.

Before we dive in, here's a quick note! Love and relationships are unique to everyone. Take these insights with a grain of salt, everyone’s journey is different. But if any of the wisdom shared here makes you feel a little less alone in your journey, then I’m happy to have played a part.

I’m always open to learning new lessons, so if you have advice to share that could help the USC community, don’t hesitate to reach out. Consider me your friendly messenger of love.

And now, USC peeps, in no particular order, here are the lessons from a Trojan Heartbreaker.

“You are not going to find anyone if you stay in that musty dorm of yours”

If I'm being honest it wasn't hard to meet people when I first came to USC, what was hard was trying to meet people that I wanted to date at USC. So I never tried, but of course I got FOMO (fear of missing out) when it came to seeing the annoying relationship stuff so I wanted to join in the action. 

The top piece of advice from my Trojan Heartbreakers? Put yourself out there. Many of them met their significant others or certain somebodies at club events, classes, parties, mutual friends, USC housing events, and even during late-night laundry sessions at 3 a.m. Yes, cute stories happen here at USC!

And if organic meetings don’t come easily, there’s no shame in using dating apps. It’s a perfect way to meet new people from the comfort of your own bed, giving you a chance to connect without all the initial pressure. Don’t be ashamed to use them. In 5 seconds on any of those apps you will see everyone you know and their momma on the app. (make sure to set a limit radius of 10 miles-60 miles if you want to avoid USC ppl)

All of this is to say that meeting people does require a bit of effort. Step out of your comfort zone, initiate conversations, and, just as importantly, keep those conversations going. Putting yourself out there is part of the experience, and you might be surprised by who you meet along the way.

A few more tips? How do you continue that? 

• Ask your experienced friends what to do

• Plan with the intention of only staying friends, and see if it goes beyond that in the future.

“Why are you going to stay loyal to someone who refuses to stay loyal to you?!” 

I know some of you are sweating right now. This lesson was told to someone who was very very loyal to someone who ran at the thought of being tied down to one particular person. Is this hitting home? Does it sound familiar? Well if it does, girl… 

Time to slap you out of it!

Let’s keep it simple, if you value your time and you value the thought of someone showing that they want you and would love to be with you forever, drop whoever came to mind when you thought of this. Period. 

Now let’s dig into it, people are very simple, they are, if they want you THEY WILL SHOW IT. If you're confused and or playing games with someone…girl I am so sorry they do not want you. And yes, maybe love requires a little game here and there, at the end think of it this way. Do you really want to tell your kids “I chased your dad down for months before he really decided he wanted to date me!” 

“ A momma’s boy and Momma doesn't know you exist?!” 

Picture this, you’re in a committed relationship, things are happy, you’re feeling good. Then one day, they answer a FaceTime from their mom, their best friend, or literally anyone significant in their life… and they don’t introduce you. Not even a mention. You’re sitting there like a side character in a movie you thought you were starring in.

Look, people are simple. If they care about you, they’ll want to show you off, at least in the “hey, this is my person” kind of way. Now, this isn’t to say that if you’re fully doomed. But if they claim to be a proud momma’s boy and their mom still thinks they’re single? Girl… run. Because if you’re a secret now, imagine how that plays out down the road.

Take this advice with a grain of salt… or don’t.

“You’re only 21, why are you rushing?” 

Oh, you don’t know? Maybe it’s because every movie, aesthetic romance TikTok video, and soft launch on Instagram makes it look like love is everywhere and it’s easy to get, but something you can’t get. 

But here’s the thing…love isn’t on a deadline!

I once met my grandma’s best friend, 65, radiant, and fresh in love. She met the love of her life in a tiny village near Mexico City, proving that sometimes, love is just chilling, waiting for you to stop checking your phone, waiting for a text from a casi algo. (almost something)

You know what’s even crazier? We spend so much time looking for someone to love us that we forget to love ourselves first. We’re out here pouring our hearts to people who leave us on read but can’t even spoil ourselves with self-care nights and healthy dinners. Be alone, take yourself out, romanticize your own life, because once you love yourself, you’ll set the bar so high that only the right person can reach it. And when they do? It won’t feel like a race. It’ll feel like home.

CONCLUSION

Love isn’t just something we experience, it’s something we witness, analyze, and sometimes, let’s be honest, cringe at from the sidelines. From the highs to the lows, love teaches us lessons whether we ask for them or not.

But here’s the thing I will keep reminding people of, we’re all learning. We’re all figuring out what love means, what it looks like when it’s right, and what it looks like when it’s wrong. So, if you’ve got a story, whether it’s a hard earned lesson, a heartbreaking disaster, or a piece of wisdom that could save someone from wasting their time, share it. 

Head to the #AskATrojan section on the website and label it “Trojan Heartbreaker Lesson.” Tell us what happened, and more importantly, what it taught you.

Because love is a never ending lesson and sometimes, the best thing we can do is compare notes. Can’t wait to hear yours.