Stop, Collaborate, and Listen: Response to Sexual Assault

By Kelly Kinas ‘17

There has been a really big push within the past year for sexual assault awareness and prevention. Trust me when I say, I feel much safer now that some of the guys around campus are educated on what rape and sexual assault are. Unfortunately, people are still gonna rape others and still sexually assault others, either out of ignorance or because they are horrible people. This blog post is for that horrible situation or if one of your friends comes home from the night claiming to have been sexually assaulted or raped. This is the guide to helping the person who has been assaulted and getting them to help if they need some.

First things first, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. NO MATTER WHAT YOU WERE DRESSED IN, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DRANK, YOU ARE THE VICTIM. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don’t need to be afraid to tell your friends. They aren’t going to blame you (This is where all of you nod in agreement that victim blaming is bad and that you will help your friends).

DISCLAIMER: I am going to being heteronormative in the blog post. I am not saying that a person could not get raped in a homosexual relationship but I don’t want to keep changing pronouns. This is for every person, not dependent on sexuality or gender. ALSO: I will be using sexual assault instead of rape. In my intro, I think I said sexual assault and rape a lot and I don’t want you readers to get confused. But be advised that rape is a kind of sexual assault so everything still applies. This is for every person, whether you have sexually assaulted or raped. Thanks.

Once someone has been sexually assaulted, there are many questions that they are gonna have. Now if YOU have been sexually assaulted, you should tell one of your friends so you’re not alone but above that you should go to Center for Women & Men and talk it out with them. If it’s more serious, the Center can take you to Rape Treatment Centers, there are two near us. If YOUR FRIEND comes to you saying that they were sexually assaulted, it is your duty to stay in the moment. Ask if she is okay. Ask if she was hurt and needs to go to the hospital or treatment center. Does she need pregnancy or STD prevention? Your focus needs to be on her at that moment in time; don’t ask about the night just yet. 

Things to remember (If you are the friend or the victim)

1. You don’t have to go to the police but you should talk to someone about it. It’s totally normal to not understand what you want to do it. Both the treatment centers and Center for Women & Men have wrap around care.

2. Don’t normalize the trauma. To quote the representative from the Center for Women & Men that spoke at my sorority, “Trauma doesn’t look like a Lifetime movie.” Don’t make it seem like this is normal occurrence. It happened and it is not their fault. 

3. If someone comes to you, BELIEVE THEM. People share things in different ways. So be in a safe place. Create a safe place for them to feel comfortable. Help them decide whether they want to report the assault or not.

Just a sidenote, sexual assault is any unwanted sexual touching or anything done without consent. It is by force, by coercion, or without consent. What’s consent? Great question. It must be an unambiguous affirmative. You have to check in to make sure everyone is still on board with what is happening. Like the ad in the Daily Trojan yesterday, Red means stop, Green means go, YELLOW MEANS STOP AS WELL. Mixed signals means stop. It doesn’t mean keep trying. Someone can still give consent if they are intoxicated but once you’re incapacitated or blackout, you cannot give consent or take the consent that is given.

Another quick reminder, dressing and dancing provocatively does not give consent for you. You don’t owe him anything.

There are some critics of this argument who say “if a girl gets THAT drunk, what did she expect was going to happen? It’s her fault for getting that drunk and she deserves whatever happens to her because she let her guard down and drank too much.” FYI, that’s by-the-book victim blaming. She may have drunken too much but that does not mean that she deserved to be sexually assaulted. She might have been super drunk but that does not have anything to do with someone else’s DECISION to violate HER.

You need to get consent, clear and in the affirmative. It is not the lack of a “no”. It’s a YES. And you both are sober or sober enough to make the decision and want this. You need both.

Truthfully, I wish this article wouldn’t have been needed. I wish prevention completely worked. The very least we can all do is ask for consent in every sexual act we are involved in and believe our friends when they are sexually assaulted. Go to the website of the Center for Women & Men and their response section so you know who to contact: http://sarc.usc.edu/reporting-options/

Just remember:

That’s about it. 

Fight on!