The Refresh Cycle: Resiliency through the Semester
By: Miguel Bugayong ‘25
I want to start this off by saying that my pieces of writing will take on some heavy topics, topics that are not always easy to understand and talk about, but I hope to be a guide and offer some vulnerability and guiding light, thank you! <3
STUDY.
GET A GRADE BACK.
ASSESS YOURSELF.
CHANGE SOMETHING AND HOPE TO IMPROVE.
This is the cycle that I, as well as many other students, continue to go through, I call it the “Refresh Cycle.”
We, as students, study to aim for a grade, study to keep improving, study to grow, and this constant need to continually grow in both an academic and mental standpoint pushes one to keep going through this “cycle.”
Some background on me is that I am quite a perfectionist in every state of the word, and in all honesty, this semester was one of the roughest experiences yet, I moved halfway across the country to come to USC, absolutely not adjusted to the rigor of my classes, and I have stepped outside my comfort zone to the max. However, looking back at my first year here, I would change my mindset on this cycle.
Again, in terms of vulnerability, I will always be upfront in my writing:
This semester challenged me mentally, causing a dip in grades, mental fortitude, and forcing myself to take a step back and understand who I am. While I want to touch on all these topics in the future, I’ll first begin with this cycle of grades.
STUDY.
You have a big midterm or essay coming up! You prepare as much as you can, pushing yourself to aim for the best. From cramming late nights, to spending most of the day staring at a screen or memorizing topics, the “study” part of the cycle breeds a system of learning. Now, this is the part where I like the most, almost creating an atmosphere with no pressure or distraction to learn, sit with the material, and grow. I truly fell in love with the “studying” aspect of my classes, pursuing the want to learn, independently of the idea of a grade.
GET A GRADE BACK.
Now, this one… this one can sting. From clicking a link on blackboard, turning over a piece of paper, or receiving an email, this grade will eventually get back to you if you like it or not. But you basically have two options here:
Option A, if you like your grade, congratulations! Pat yourself on the back, and be proud of yourself and all the work you put into this. The cycle now repeats and you go back to studying.
Option B, if you’re like me for most of this semester, you receive your grade back, and your heart sinks a little. You begin to question yourself for the work you’ve put into this project, test, midterm, or essay. And now the worst part comes, where you begin to align this letter, or number, to a piece of your identity.
ASSESS YOURSELF.
Although not everyone goes through this process, I want to be open towards my whole “cycle” throughout my first couple semesters of USC. I attached my identity towards the grades I received, because for the first time in my life, the amount of work I put into learning, memorizing, and understanding a different process didn’t equate to the grade I received. I reached out to many of my peers, professors, and took space into understanding who I am besides the grade I got back.
Well, if you were to catch me in this part of the cycle throughout the semester, you would probably find me frantically emailing professors, TA’s, or SI (supplemental instruction) leaders to learn from this moment. I would also be listening to a sad playlist, sitting with my thoughts, and possibly crying on facetime to my parents and loved ones. Ultimately, this is the part where you let yourself sit, understand, and FEEL your thoughts, validating yourself through this whole process.
I want to stress that this is the part of the cycle in which we, as students, should grow the most in. This “assessment” shouldn’t be a beat down of your self-worth, but rather a moment of realization that you are right where you should be. But obviously, that took awhile to understand.
CHANGE SOMETHING AND HOPE TO IMPROVE.
Sitting in this space for awhile, and the feelings of sorrow or hatred towards a grade begins to part, you are left wondering,
What can I do?
While it is great to take time to sit with your thoughts, the tricky part comes where you realize that there are more projects, essays, and tests ahead of you. You learn to pick yourself back up, but want to change something about yourself, because some parts of how you studied, learned, or wrote the material was inadequate. Ultimately, you decide to change something. From going to more office hours, or studying a couple weeks before, or getting enough sleep, or choosing from the millions of ways you can improve some aspect of your studying, you choose to change, and grow. One thing I love about USC and this whole process is that there are many possibilities to reach out and grab the resources to improve around you. And once you figure out what you set out to change about yourself or studying overall, you take another run at this whole cycle, studying once more and resetting yourself for the next challenge ahead of you.
While this is such an amazing point in academics, or just learning to grow as a person overall, I want to stress that it shouldn’t be a repetitive cycle in which you downplay your work or yourself for that matter. Looking back at this semester, I have fundamentally changed so many systematic aspects of how I studied, how I looked at my self-worth, and leads me to asking now what?
NOW WHAT.
On the contrary to the cycle I have been living throughout this semester, I want to stress that we need to break out of it. Although it is great to understand that this is a whole process of learning and growing, this cycle, ultimately, puts you into a repetitive mindset that you aren’t enough, that your ability to learn, grow, and evolve as a student needs some sort of fixing in order to do better.
Why I faltered in this cycle is that I fell for the constant pressure to continue changing and remaking who I was (or am) in order to be a better person overall. This added to my anxiety and pressures as a student, and I am still learning to grow through this whole resiliency process. So, let us break out of this repetitive loop that hitches our identities to the grades or successes around us. Let us take a step back from a “cycle,” and realize that we are infinitely more in every aspect.
I understand that this was a hard read in terms of mental ease, and I also understand that many of the things that I am writing aren't always the easiest, but please don’t hesitate to reach out, and there are people that are willing to help and listen. But if there is anything I want to leave you with, it’s this:
Your growth as a student and your path towards your definition of success is far from linear. Do not falter into a cycle of refreshing or seeing yourself as inadequate, for you are amazing, perfect, hardworking, loving, (insert all the positive adjectives here), in every aspect.
Much love <3
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