Things You Can't Complain About

By Grace Carballo ‘17

There’s a tried and true saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” This bit of wisdom does not, however, advise, “When life gives you lemons, tell everyone how your whole life is tainted with a distinctly acidic lemon flavor and how you are just so burdened by the weight of these lemons and that their lemons could not possibly compare to the lemons you’ve been dealing with.”

Maybe the latter is not a widespread proverb because it’s too wordy to roll off the tongue or maybe simply because it’s bad advice- no one likes to be around complainers.

There are, of course, situations that warrant complaining and sometimes you just need to vent. Bee stings are horrible, if you have a peanut allergy - please accept my deepest condolences, natural disasters are obviously fair game and God forbid, if you have recently lost a loved one - be they relative, friend, or pet- you take all the time you need to talk that out and grieve. 

But I made this list for myself because I realized I had been uttering the same well-worn phrases when people asked how I was doing far too many times. And if I’m tired of hearing myself complain about these things, odds are everyone else is, too.

So please, enjoy the list:

THINGS YOU CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT

1) “I’m tired.”

The person to whom you are describing your exhaustion is *more likely to be abducted by a pack of infant hyenas than they are to genuinely be concerned that you are tired and not feel the same way themselves. 

*this stat is not scientifically proven, but fairly plausible.

2) “My internship is really intense.”

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” It does, however, often take some ladder climbing to get to doing what you love and until then, try to keep your eye on the prize.

3) “I’m sooo busy.”

I’m just happy you found time in your busy sched to tell me about it. Pencil me in for Monday AM so I can hear about your “rough weekend”?

4) “I just have too much on my plate right now.”

In the words of my mother’s sassy bumper sticker that she opted to put on our fridge, “Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency.” She also has a “Friends don’t let friends smell bad.” sticker and a “If it’s not fun, why do it?” Ben and Jerry’s sticker and I attribute both my wisdom and my assumption that giving unsolicited advice is acceptable to said stickers.

5) “I have so much laundry/cleaning to do.”

No one ever said being a functional adult was easy. And that gosh darn hygiene sure is a hassle. When you’re at the point of having to choose to buckle down and do laundry or to live without clean underwear, the last thing you’d expect is an unsympathetic ear. 

6) “I have a midterm this week.”

Would you like some cheese with that whine? 

We all have midterms just like we all have feelings. And most universally applicable, we all have feelings about midterms. Lots and lots of feels.

So, there you have it! 6 self-pitying phrases that I am steering clear of and highly recommend you do the same.

If you catch me complaining about any of the aforementioned forbidden topics, feel free to give me the stank eye in art class or similar. 

And, if you have any complaints about this post, please feel free to put them in the complaint file where they will be dealt with accordingly. 

The complaint file is a garbage recycling bin. Bazinga!

-Grace