How To Deal With An Unideal Housing Situation 101

By: Esther Cho ‘23

There’s nothing worse than coming home and feeling like your space isn’t really your own. Nothing quite like the air of an awkward silence as you try to study for your econ midterm in the same room as (what you feel like is a) complete stranger. Nothing like the hostility that comes with an unideal housing situation or even your boundaries that seem to get violated over and over again.

Roommate troubles— they’re more common than you think, but the worst part about them is that you often feel entirely alone dealing with it.

But, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone.

I’ve been there. Your friends have probably been there. The one guy that sits in the fourth row of your BUAD class has probably been there.

I like to think that an unideal housing situation is the hallmark of college life and as someone that’s made it to the other side, here are some tips to get you through it as well! 

• Get a Third Party Involved!

Now, I know what you’re thinking— “Agh, no! I can’t do that…”

I know because I’ve been there and as someone that avoided confrontation like my life depended on it, this was truly the last thing I wanted to do.

But, I spoke about the different issues I had in my housing situation with many of my close friends and they all seemed to echo similar thoughts:

Tell someone about it. 

While getting a third party involved may seem counterintuitive to making progress in your unideal housing situation, sometimes, it can be exactly what you need.

If you live in university housing where RA’s are present, don’t be afraid to let them know what’s going on!

RA’s aren’t there to pick and choose a side nor are they there to punish you guys. They’re there to mediate conflict and help you guys resolve stressful situations. If you do have an RA, it may be worth considering catching them up on what’s on your mind.

An RA’s job is to help guide the situation in a way that’s most comfortable for you.

If you want them to speak with your roommate and gently nudge them to respect your boundaries, they can do that. If you want your RA to schedule a time to sit down with you and your roommate to talk about the issues and figure out some boundaries that may be helpful together, they can do that, too.

If you don’t have an RA, it could be worth considering enlisting the help of any kind of third party to mediate a conversation between you guys— whether this be a mutual friend or an acquaintance with good mediating skills.

• Analyze and Set Healthy Boundaries

Take some time to really think about your housing situation and where the problem lies.

Is it that one person does all the heavy lifting when it comes to cleaning or taking care of the living space? Is it loud partying late into the night? Is it an attitude problem?

First, figure out the root of all the issues and then sit down together to set boundaries based on them!

Some points of discussion could be:

·      Creating a cleaning schedule

·      Decide how you guys will handle visitors

·      Establish a lights-out time

As you guys discuss these things, maybe even signing a roommate agreement could be helpful for everyone to remember the boundaries that have been set.

No matter how you guys decide to go about setting boundaries, try to talk in person for most effective communication.

• Remember Your Worth

Remember that this is your living space, too. You’re paying to live in the same space that your roommates live in. While looking the other way when issues arise can help keep the peace, it’s also about how much you’re sacrificing.

Pick and choose your battles. You don’t necessarily have to call out every little thing that bothers you, but it’s important to keep in mind when you’re not prioritizing yourself.

Look at the bigger picture about what you’re sacrificing by letting things go.

If your roommate has loud guests over at 1 am while you’re trying to study for your finals, you have a few choices. You can move yourself to a more quiet and isolated space, whether that be the living room or the library— or you could let your roommate know that you’re studying for your midterm and politely ask them and their guests to find a more secluded space to talk in. 

Be your own greatest advocate.

• Compromise

I think that when all is said and done, the most effective way to maintain a symbiotic roommate relationship is to compromise. 

A lot of issues tend to arise when we can’t quite understand why someone does certain things the way they do. We all have our own backgrounds and experiences that make us different. We all have different things to contribute and bring to the table.

Taking a second to consider where each of you are coming from can make all the difference in an unideal housing situation.  

It’s perfectly understandable if you and your roommates may not be the best of friends or, really, even friends at all.

But, in all honesty, you don’t have to be friends to respect each other. 

From my experiences with different roommates and housing situations, I’ve learned that if you respect the people you live with and try to look at things from their shoes, most issues can be resolved through communication and compromise.

Living with others can be a strange, rewarding, exciting, stressful, and dreadful experience all in one.

After my unideal housing situation early on in my college years, I’ve finally managed to find roommates that are now some of my closest friends. And we even renewed our lease for the next school year already!

So even if nothing seems to make any progress in your unideal housing situation, try to remember that a lease only lasts until the end of the school year, and we’re already halfway through!

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