Take It From One Who Knows
Advice From A College Professor On How To Hang in There
By: Dara Udobong ‘23
Media depictions of college tell us that we’ll be having sleepovers every other day, party-hopping on Thursday nights, and having the best time of our twenties surrounded by our new built-in best friends. For some of you, this might already be your life. For others, none of this might feel familiar at all.
If this is you, you’re not alone: a lot of USC students have shared their stories (of their successes and failures) at making meaningful friendships during this very peculiar semester. Unfortunately, its easy to lose sight of the fact that college is a whole new experience of self-discovery and exploration in a new city, state, or even country. Even if you’re an LA native, the college experience isn’t quite like any challenge you’ve ever faced before. It has its high highs, low lows, and one heck of a journey in between. We’re all just trying to give it our best shot, and you know what? It gets easier with time. But don’t take it from me, here’s some advice from a USC professor who’s been there, done that, and has a degree to show for it:
Professor here - I’ve been teaching college for 19 years. 80% of my classes have been small (<20 students) freshman seminars that require meeting with me privately at least three-four times a semester. I have been at USC for eight years, and before that was at two large public universities and one small liberal arts college. This is all to say, I’ve spent time with a lot of freshmen (which even our sophomores this year are sort of like since they’ve never been on campus) over the years and … you are so not alone. I have had, no joke, hundreds of conversations in which students basically said exactly what you are saying.
The first semester of college is so hard. I know in the movies and on television it looks super fun and that there are some people for whom it does seem to click in right away, but those people are definitely a very small minority. USC is huge. There are almost 20,000 undergrads. If you moved to a new town with 20,000 people, you wouldn’t expect to have built a fun new life right away, would you? You’ve been in this totally new environment six weeks. It takes time. I mean, I’ve already had this conversation with four of my own students this year - how college is not what they thought it would be, how their friends from home look like they’re having more fun at different schools, how beyond superficial friends to eat with or whatever they can’t seem to connect, how the clubs are so hard to get into, how they see people going off to parties and they just don’t understand how they know about them … It can be really lonely.
Take it from one who knows.
I went to that school on the other side of town. I was so excited to move to Los Angeles and start college. I went through rush and dropped on the third day, deciding it wasn’t for me (in a pre-Instagram era, I was shocked and intimidated that normal, non-celebrity people had Gucci sunglasses and purses and did things like go to Vegas with fake IDs). I applied and didn’t get accepted to the school paper. I didn’t make it on to the campus cultural event booking team, which I really wanted to do. I signed up for an acting thing thinking it was a club, but it turned out not to be affiliated with the college really but with the UCLA Extension adult ed program, so I was with a bunch of grown-ups in what was basically a community night class. I really liked my roommates but they went home on the weekend. I felt chubby and unglamorous compared to a lot of the girls. Because this was before the era of cellphones and social media, it was really hard to meet someone and see them again. I believed everyone else was having such an easier time than I was and having so much more fun; I can honestly remember feeling like there must have been a memo that went out that I never got on how to make this whole college thing work.
By the middle of winter quarter, I’d kind of gotten the hang of it, and by the end of freshman year, I was having a pretty good time. But, man, that first quarter was hard and lonely.
Many years later now, having sat in my office with so many kids over the years, I realize that my experience (which sounds like a version of yours) is pretty much the norm. Believe me when I tell you most of your peers are feeling like you are and that you can’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides. You will likely feel very differently in four months, but it’s going to take time to adjust. As for the covid stuff, you’re going to be dealing with that anywhere you go and I do think it’s winding down.
In the meantime … if you want to volunteer, Westside German Shepherd Rescue is within walking distance to campus (I think - if not, it’s a short bus ride) and anyone can volunteer there. Try forming study groups with classmates during midterms and finals - high pressure situations can create bonding. Do you play any sports? The club/intramural sports might be a good route to go. If you like yoga or dance, choosing a class at the Lyon Center that you go to every week at the same time so that you start to become a familiar face might be a good tactic for meeting people. In general, becoming a regular at a few places (like always studying at a certain coffee shop or whatever) can be a way to become familiar with people. Get to class early if you can and don’t start playing on your phone. Look for other people who aren’t on their phones and sit next to them. In generally, always being on your phone is a way to curtail the start of any conversation, especially in those long lines. You might end up making a friend bonding in line while complaining about what BS the long lines are.
Keep your chin up - I’m confident things will get better. Like I said, I was so down that first quarter, but then I ended up loving college so much that I never left :)
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