The Socially-Anxious Freshman’s Guide to THRIVING
By: Lindsey Hamilton ‘22
The prospect of moving to an entirely new place and rebuilding your social circle from scratch is a pretty scary one, especially if social situations tend to stress you out.
With that said, making new friends and putting yourself out there is one of the most rewarding experiences that college has to offer. Check out these tips for overcoming overthinking and making freshman year one to remember!
1. You’re unique, but not special
THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE FOR ANY SOCIAL SITUATION: Realize that people feel exactly the same as you do. We say things to this effect over and over again but somehow never manage to fully comprehend the idea that other people *gasp* feel emotion too.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had friends confide in me that they’re secretly worried that people don’t like them, and every time I’m surprised that these seemingly confident, talkative people could also feel nervous in social situations. By realizing that you’re not the only one who is worried about being likable, socializing becomes a little bit less intimidating.
2. Friendliness = Friendship
Know that people want to make friends, so don’t be afraid to be overly social.
People are friendly to people who are friendly to them.
It’s a little bit of a chicken and the egg sort of situation… so you might as well be the egg! By that, I mean while it’s our natural instinct if you’re a bit on the introverted side like me to “test the water” and not be overly friendly initially, sometimes you have to be the first one to seem approachable.
Asking about someone’s day or even just a quick “hi” will let people know that you’re friendly and would like to be friends. This also applies to making plans. You already know other people can be nervous to make the first move because you’re nervous too, so once you’ve accepted this, embrace it and go be a friendly fearless social butterfly!
3. Break the high-school complex
High school was the age of groups. College is different. While big friend groups can be super fun to be a part of, it’s important to look at each group as a bunch of cool people being friends and not as one big unit.
If your group is going out on a Friday night when you know you really need to study, it’s not the end of the world to not go with them. You won’t get “left behind” or “forgotten”, and getting your work done will leave you less stressed and happier in the long run.
And don’t forget that your voice matters! Proposing something more low-key like a movie night might make other people more likely to speak up if they’re feeling the same way.
4. Trading Snapchats doesn’t mean it’s set in stone
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the first people you meet during college are going to be your best friends for the rest of your time here. While you may keep some of the same friends, don’t worry about clinging onto certain friends or groups who you don’t really connect with just because you don’t know anyone else.
It’s super easy to meet new people of all sorts, so listen to your gut and find people who you really click with!
5. Sleep is a better friend than anyone you’ll meet
In college, self-care can seem something like an art form, especially in the face of balancing school work and a social life with your own mental and physical health.
I’m not going to lie, it’s a lot. But out of all of the aspects of life that you have to juggle, your health is arguably the most important one. By keeping yourself healthy by eating good food and getting enough sleep, school work will seem easier, and social anxiety decreased.
6. I know it’s warm in LA, but chill
Take everything moment by moment. This is true for social situations and life in general. YOU DON’T NEED TO HAVE EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT RIGHT NOW.
For me, before I got better at ~living in the moment~ a day out with friends could induce thoughts such as this: “They want to go to the beach. The beach is fun, so that’s cool, but then there’s that long metro ride. What do I even say, who will I sit next to, what if I get separated from everyone, but then when we get to the beach, what are we even gonna do? We’re gonna probably just sit there in silence on the sand and maybe swim in the cold water, but what do I say? I have nothing to talk about, they’re gonna think I’m so boring and — ”
Anyone who’s also from Overthinkville, USA, knows exactly what I’m talking about. Take things moment by moment. People are going to love you and everything will be okay!
7. Stare fear in the face… and ask how it’s day is going
You learn SO MUCH at college, but academics really only makes up about half of this. You’ll learn so much about yourself and other people and life and it’ll be great.
But in order to learn, you have to recognize opportunities to learn and take them. Situations that seem stressful like asking to sit with someone you don’t know very well in the dining hall or knocking on your neighbor’s door to “just say hi” are where the learning is going to happen.
People generally aren’t as scary as we think they are, especially when those people are college students who are in the same boat as you.
8. No joke, not joking is okay
While a funny and charismatic personality certainly helps people be social, being the life of the party is by no means a ticket to instant likability.
People like other people who they can relate to. Kindness, openness to different interests and opinions, relatability, and honesty are the building blocks of lasting friendships and absolutely things that everyone is capable of.
9. YOU ARE BOTHERING NO ONE WITH YOUR PRESENCE
A huge part of having people trust you is to trust them back. Stuck in the old ways of my hometown Overthinkville, USA, I often got this idea in my head that people were “probably busy” or that people “don’t want me here right now”.
Trust that if people didn’t want to be around you, they would ask you to leave, and trust that if they asked you to leave, it was probably for a very good, not you-related reason (like sleep).
And if you’re really worried that someone doesn’t like you, politely asking them if something is wrong is infinitely better than a one-sided ice-out.
10. The S Words: Stress, Studying, Sleep-deprivation
College is stressful. College is exhausting. When people are stressed and tired, they’re not exactly on their A-game.
We all know this, but it’s really easy to interpret a grumpy tone or lack of chit chat as a personal offense. Stress changes people, and survival mode is switched on.
Something we forget way too often is that people think way more about themselves than others by nature. This includes you and every other human on Earth.
Don’t put too much stock if someone acts cold or unfriendly because 99.99% of the time, it’s them, not you. (And in the case of that 0.01%, if you don’t already know then just ask!)
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t follow my own advice half of the time.
In the craziness of college life, it can be difficult to remind yourself to take a step back and evaluate. But like all things, it gets easier with practice, and with more practice, it becomes more natural to keep your thoughts grounded in stressful situations.
By recognizing that you along with everyone is a work in progress, we can give ourselves grace when we fail and celebrate when we succeed, which I truly believe is the most empowering thing anyone can do.
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