You Don’t Have To Be Best Friends With Your Roommate (But You Can Be!)

photo credit: Adrian Mendoza

by Adrian Mendoza ‘25

In my time at USC, my experiences with roommates have ranged from neutral to super positive to extremely unhealthy. Having gone through what many people fear coming into college, my story can serve as both a warning to incoming freshmen as well as reassurance that, ultimately, I found great people to help me through. And I haven’t lost faith in finding good roommates.

Freshman year, I carefully put together a group of eight roommates total (including myself) to live together at Parkside. I had never lived with a roommate for longer than a few weeks, and I was terrified of landing myself in a group of people I didn’t fit into. So, I scoured the LGBTQ+ group chat on ZeeMee for roommates I hoped to befriend.

Instantly, like many freshmen, this suite of eight felt like we all had to be instant best friends—we chose each other after all—and I went everywhere with my roommates. My whole social circle revolved around my roommates. I was pushed to be vulnerable and share everything with my roommates. Now, two years later, I only talk to two of them.

As it turned out, some of these roommates weren’t the people I thought (or hoped) they were. My second year living with two of my initial seven roommates, I found myself in an uncomfortable and borderline unsafe environment. I saw that they were no longer my friends and was pushed out of the apartment midway through the semester. By extension, I was alienated from much of the social group I had built through my roommates the year before. I had to start fresh.

My saving grace, as well as the reason I didn’t utterly lose faith in living with people, was my current roommate who moved apartments with me without question. With 24 hours to leave behind the apartment we had moved into only a month prior, we found a four person apartment, taking our chances with two new roommates that we knew nothing about.

What I immediately found liberating was that, in this new apartment, I didn’t feel pressured to be best friends with these new roommates. I was perfectly content with my roommate whom I was already friends with and two people I could civilly share a space with. And that situation turned out great. Since then, I have lived with three other randomly assigned roommates and have had good experiences with each of them (one even went on to room with us again this year).

What I’ve learned from these experiences is that you cannot determine what your experiences will be when living with people for the first time, but you can decide how to respond to what you are dealt with. You may find friends for life in your roommates, but if you find yourself in a bad situation, it’s okay (and often necessary) to leave. Distance yourself from people who consistently hurt you and surround yourself with people you can trust.

It was the friends I had made outside of that initial freshman social circle that were there for me when so many of the people I thought were my friends no longer spoke to me. They were the ones who showed up for me and literally helped me load up my car to move to an entirely new apartment complex on a random Tuesday in the middle of the semester.

So when you hear the age-old advice that you won’t meet you best friends in college through your roommates, know that it all depends on the cards you are dealt. You can be best friends with your roommate, but if not, that’s okay! There are a lot of ways to meet people and shape your group of friends.

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