(CON)QUEST: Thoughts Of An Aging Otaku On Anime Expo 2015

By Judy Lee ‘17

Hi, folks! Long time, no write—but here I am again to share my experiences at a few summer conventions I’ve attended this year! The first one I’ll be sharing was a couple weeks back and is near and dear to my heart.

Anime has been many things throughout my life: it has brought me to tears and has brought me much joy. It was what made my grades take sporadic dips and what got me through school. I say without hesitation that anime has been a defining influence in my life since age 10.

Fast forward a decade, and here I am at AX 2015.

I’ve been asked multiple times (mostly by my concerned mother) why I insist on attending this expo well into the dusk of my teenage-hood. And sometimes, I ask myself the same thing.

I’m going to be blunt: going to AX 2015 made me feel really, really old. The walls were plastered with series that I didn’t bother catching up on because of school work, internships, and general lack of idle time.

My mind is no longer only occupied by just high school, homework, and anime. I have bills to pay and taxes to file. When I watch an episode of something, I now often pause to check my bank account to see if a payment went through or answer a text. I’m no longer occupied with what snack to eat in the next half hour so much as how I’m going to handle my lease for next fall and how I’m going to navigate my financial aid package.

It has become harder for me to be a pure hearted, bushy-tailed anime lover as I once was because my schedule no longer allows me that freedom. Frankly, seeing the excitement in the eyes of younger teens in their homemade cosplays and listening to the familiar high-pitched chatter of which I used to be at the epicenter made me nostalgic and a bit jealous.

I now realize that Anime Expo, especially in my latest years, has been my only sanctuary for whatever’s left of my passion for the art form. Only through full immersion am I given the freedom to become closer to the child I was and forget about things that have hindered my enjoyment.

That said—the expo this year was wonderful as always. I noticed changes in my activity at the convention in comparison to previous years: mainly that I didn’t really attend panels and meet ups, focusing most of my time on browsing exhibitions and artist alley booths. 

Part of me knows it likely chalks up to laziness and lack of time (I only attended on Friday). But on another level, I found myself searching for a memento to keep safe when I’ll no longer be at the convention. This year, it was a spontaneous purchase of life-size scissor blades from Kill La Kill, my latest favorite anime.

This expo hasn’t failed me yet and I hope I can attend for as long as I wish to pay homage to my younger muse. And as I continue to grow further and further away from the height of my otaku career, I take pride and (hesitant) hope in the waves of new fresh-faced recruits I see every year.

It is through them and the convention, after all, that I can keep my inner child alive and well—nostalgic fan girl and all.