Greetings from Managua

By Grace Carballo ‘17

It’s been far too long since I’ve posted and I’m not really sure where to begin exactly, but drawing from The Sound of Music, let’s start from the very beginning, the beginning is the place to start.

Given that my comfort zone is smaller than most, it may come as a surprise to some of you that I am writing this from the study center in Colonia Maximo Jerez in Managua, Nicaragua.

I’m just as shocked as you are, in fact, I often wake up not quite sure where I am and then I remember and I sort of chuckle at Past Grace’s expense for thinking she could handle an experience like this one with ease.

Then, I deftly maneuver out of my mosquito net to the bathroom, where in our neighborhood the water only runs from about 2 am to 8 am. If it is not within these precious hours, I use the water from my bucket to flush and wash my hands, admire my sweaty reflection, and reposition the net around me- the princess canopy I always wanted as a youth.  

The homes here are very open to circulate the air flow and such, so on any given day, there are a few ants in my room and we just choose to ignore each another, and a spider or two, whom I admire greatly for eating the mosquitos and really doing me a solid/saving me from chikungunya, dengue, malaria, or just an unattractive mosquito bite blemish. One day there was a lizard of sorts but I was really too tired to bother much with it, though I did consider the iconic Parent Trap scene as I fell asleep that night. Exhaustion can really make a gal apathetic.

Having been here over a month now, (I’m basically a local), I can truly say the hardest part was the preparation and anticipation. I spent copious amounts of time packing and unpacking (estimating a 3 month supply of bugspray and sunscreen is taxing) and basically felt like I was on the horrible part of a roller coaster where you’re slowly chugging along towards the tipping point and wondering if you can get out unscathed or stop the ride with your dignity in tact while simultaneously I felt like I was also slowly and painfully removing a bandaid stuck deeply in my arm hair.

I had these pleasant feelings for the full two weeks prior to my departure and talked them out thoroughly with my therapist, who suggested at first maybe postponing, which of course made me want to go and do the damn thing that much more. I sought treatment for my anxiety, which apparently I’ve had for some time (I just thought everyone thinks and feels like this- s/o to the lucky folks that don’t), just 15 days before I hopped on a plane. This was insufficient time to get any medication doses correct, so your girl’s going in rogue!

I find the whole thing a little hilarious, because almost anything is funny if you think about it. (Plus if it’s okay to make fun of myself for my asthma but not for my anxiety, what sort of precedent are we setting here?) For the next three and a half months, I’m just focusing on living in the moment, learning everything I can, and befriending everybody and their brother if they’ll let me. After all, with a mind like mine, who needs enemies?

I’m the only USC student on this program and there are only 10 of us in total. Sometimes, when I’m bathing from a bucket (something I should probably teach the whole school given this drought) or surveying my bug bite damage, I wonder why I didn’t stay. A pretty sizable portion of my favorite people in the world are at USC, the weather is a literal dream in comparison to the daily heat, and I’m physically and emotionally very comfortable living my daily campus life, especially with two years of experience under my belt.

But I’ve already learned and seen things here I’ll probably never have the chance to again. In the rural part of Nicaragua,  I learned from my host mom how to make a tamale from harvest to table and let me tell you, it’s quite a process and not one of my stronger suits. I played dominos with some local legends in Bluefields on the Caribbean Coast and became the first woman to beat one of the big talkers, allegedly. Just this morning, I went to the local medical clinic in my neighborhood in Managua and explained in Spanish my troubles (see my personal blog for the gory details). And on Wednesday at an ungodly hour, I head to Cuba for what I anticipate will be 10 incredible days.

I would be a dirty liar if I claimed to not be homesick for USC. I had a very tough time explaining to my peers why I was so dejected on the first Game Day I missed, making several of them look at all the great instas posted repping that cardinal and gold. But I also know that this is where I’m supposed to be right now and that USC and all it’s amazing opportunities and people will be waiting for me when I return. In the words of a wise man and fellow vegetarian, Einstein, “A ship is always safe at shore, but that’s not what ships are built for.”

Along those same lines, I’d like to close this post with one of the poems I wrote (poetry is very important and celebrated in Nicaragua) while in “el campo” or the rural part for 5 days. I developed a fever while there and my anxiety was probably more elevated than my temperature because I had muscular aches as well and basically all the symptoms of chikungunya, a mosquito-borne illness with absurdly long lasting symptoms. But my host mom literally prayed over me as I lay distraught on my mattress pad in my mosquito net, I shed several tears, and felt much better later the very next day.

Just Say Sí

(this poem is most heartfelt when sung to the tune of Let it Be )

When I find myself in times of trouble
And I can’t think clearly
Lacking words or wisdom, just say “si”.

And in my hour of darkness
Doña Rosalia prayed over me
Asked Señor for healing, just say “si”

Just say “sí”, just say “sí”
Just say “sí”, just say “sí”
Lacking words or wisdom
Just say “sí”.

And all the broken-Spanish speakers
Living in the world agree
Sometimes it’s the right answer, just say “sí”.

For though the question asked
May require much more clarity
It is still an answer, just say “sí”.

Just say “sí”, just say “sí”
Just say “sí”, just say “sí”
Yeah, it’s at least an answer
Just say “sí”.

These are the words I’ve been trying to live by and will continue to live by this semester. If you are planning to study abroad in a Spanish-speaking country, remember these lyrics and live and learn by them. I’ve learned a lot in the short time I’ve been here, and the importance of learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable is so valuable, though certainly not easy.

Keep Fighting On Forever,

Graciela