Managing Your Time: Learning to Say No and When to Say Yes
By: Jordan Bucknor ‘22
Simply put, saying “no” is not always easy. When being invited to things we can find ourselves constantly saying “yes” not because we actually want to go, but because we feel obligated or simply don’t think about saying how we really feel. It is important to value your time and know that you do not have to go to every single thing you are asked to be at. If you mindlessly agree to go to every event, party, or hang-out that comes your way you’ll find yourself feeling drained, lost, and scrunched for time. On the other hand, if you stubbornly resist to go out or do anything at all, spending all your time holed in one spot, you’ll miss out on so many great opportunities to meet new people and expand your horizons. What it really boils down to is: when should you say “yes" and when should you say “no”?
When to Say Yes:
You genuinely have the free time!
If you have spent the last couple of days doing nothing but sitting in your room and binge-watching Netflix, that is probably a good excuse to go out and do something different. While relaxing is great, life is about balance and too much or in this case too little (of not getting out enough) is never a good thing.
You are nervous.
Being nervous is not a reason for not doing something! If anything, it is a reason to say “yes” so you can be less nervous the next time. Do not be defined by your fears; conquer them!
You have never done it before!
If you never tried anything new in your life, you would have never done anything at all. There is no way to know if you like something or not if you haven’t tried it at least once. If someone offers you an opportunity to do something new you should consider agreeing to it. If you haven’t gotten around to doing it before, who knows when the opportunity will present itself again.
You love the company!
If you know for a fact that you have fun spending time with someone, then why not spend time with them? As college work continues to pile on you may not always have the leisure or the opportunity to hang out with the people you care about, so if the opportunity presents itself, take it!
When To Say No:
You are busy.
If you legitimately have something you need to do you should not let an invitation distract you from it. It’s important to remember your priorities. Some things simply come before others and it is up to you to decide how that order lays out. Everyone has different priorities — just make sure you are sticking to yours.
You have been going out non-stop.
Burn-out is real and breaks are necessary. Unless you are a robot, you need to take breaks. There is nothing wrong with taking a day off and relaxing by yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company!
You are not interested in the event.
If you have already tried something or have gone somewhere and know that you do not like it, there is no real reason to force yourself to do it. It’s one thing to give something new a shot, but to do something that you know you don’t like just for the sake of doing it doesn’t make any sense. In the end, you’ll only find yourself becoming irritated during the course of the event. Just don’t go it in the first place.
You do not like the person who invited you.
This may seem obvious, but many people — sometimes without even realizing it — agree to go to something just because they are asked without even considering whom they’re actually going with. Why even put yourself through that? If you do not like who you would be going with either go with someone else or simply don’t go!
You are not gaining anything from going.
If there is any one thing to remember from this post, it’s this: if you are not having fun, gaining a new experience, or learning — then what is the point? There isn’t one! There is no point in doing something just for the sake of doing it. “Because they asked me to” is not a reason for doing or going somewhere. Act with intention, and you’ll find yourself avoiding burnout and feeling much happier.
One reason many people are afraid or even hesitant to say “no” is because they don’t know how to say it without seeming rude. Few people like disappointing others, and saying “no” can at times feel like exactly that. During these times it is important to be honest with whoever invited you. Whether it’s simply, “I’m sorry, but I just have to finish this essay” or “I’ve had a super long week and I really need to just relax,” that is better than making up some lie you’ll have to keep up with or dragging yourself along when you know you should not go. If you can properly identify why you do not want to do something, you can better respond when you have to say “no” to something.
It is vital to not just listen but to analyze your feelings. Think about why you do or don’t want to do something. Is that feeling valid? Think about times when you have regretted saying “yes.” Think about how that made you feel. If you do not want to feel that way again, then make sure you act with intention. Identify your priorities and stick to them! Saying “no” does not make you a bad person. If anything, it means you value your own time, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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