Surviving in College if You’ve Never Dated Anyone

By: Antonia Le ‘22

Valentine’s Day has come and gone and here I am again: single. I’m twenty years old, and I’ve been single for twenty consecutive years. Not to sound all cringey Riverdale ~I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in~ but I’m one of the only people I know that has never had a serious relationship, nor have I ever kissed somebody. Being in college, where it can often seem like everyone is hooking up with everyone else, being someone who’s inexperienced in dating can make you feel weird. Even broken. 

But, I’ve been working on myself lately, and in doing that, I’m working on telling myself that I’m not defined by whether I’ve kissed someone or not. If you’re like me, click the “Read More” for some tips on how to stop feeling like you’re gonna be forever alone.

Step 1: Remind yourself that your journey is your own, and not everyone else’s.

If you’re like me, you probably watch a lot of TV or movies, and you’ve probably seen a lot of characters say things like, “If you haven’t dated/kissed/had sex by <insert age here> already, what are you doing with your life?”. Even if you haven't explicitly heard characters say things like that, chances are watching popular shows like Euphoria or Riverdale has got you asking the question, “God, what is so wrong with me that I’m not making out with someone right now?”

Well, here’s the answer: There’s nothing wrong with you. Life is not a race. You’re not competing with everyone else to get to a certain milestone. You don’t have to so something just because everyone else is doing it. If you haven’t reached a certain point in your life yet, it’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s just that you’re not ready for that particular thing, and trying to push yourself to be ready before your time is only gonna end up hurting you. 

Step 2: Ask yourself if you even need anyone at this point in time. 

Full disclosure, I’ve dated (and I use this term extremely loosely) two people in my entire life, both at college. Both times, I found myself running away from any further romantic interaction after no more than two dates, basically ghosting them.

I’m not proud of my choices, but I’m not ashamed of them either. We all make mistakes. After the second person, I realized that there was a reason I ran away and self-sabotaged my chances with the only people who I have ever known to like me, and it was because I wasn’t ready. I was forcing myself to pursue something for the sake of pursuing something, not because I was ready to start dating. 

I know that I’m “supposed” to have a lot more experience than I currently do, but I know that trying to get experience before I was emotionally ready would have only hurt me in the long run. So now, instead of trying to force things, I’m trying to work on myself and focusing on self-improvement. I don’t believe in fate or destiny, but I do believe that I’ll be ready when I’m ready, and when I’m ready, things will all fall into place somehow. 

Step 3: Realize you’re not alone

If you’ve ever felt completely alone because of your situation, congrats! You’re not alone! I exist! I know that a random stranger on the internet is no replacement for having a real friend who’s going through the same thing (or even just having a significant other), but I hope that this is a consolation prize, if anything.

The biggest reason why people feel alienated or weird is that they don’t know anybody like them. But, it’s important to remember that USC is a pretty big campus. Statistically speaking, it’s impossible for everyone at USC to have tons of experience. There’s such a large and diverse array of students at USC that there has to be at least one person who feels exactly the way you do right now. Trust me. I’m a math major. 

Step 4: Cut out the negative energy in your life.

This is the hardest step of them all because sometimes, people can’t tell what’s hurting them. It’s like every little bit of negative pressure is a tiny drop of water. Individually, water droplets are fine, but not when they converge together to create a full rainstorm. 

Is there anyone who makes you feel bad for being inexperienced in dating? If so, step away from them. Anyone who criticizes you for being on your own path is not somebody that you want in your life. You’re never going to have the confidence to go out into the world and date if you constantly have somebody tearing your down. So, do yourself a favor and only surround yourself with the people who love you and support you, even if you’ve never gone on a date. 

Step 5: Practice self-care in your friendships

On the other hand, there are some perfectly fine people who make you feel bad just because their lives seem so much better than yours is. As for these folks, you don’t have to cut ties with them completely, but you can take action to make yourself feel better instead of simply letting yourself suffer. 

If your friend constantly posting Instagram stories with their significant other and making you feel bad, maybe you could respectfully unfollow them. Or, you could just delete Instagram. Maybe when people talk about their dating lives, you could try to change the subject into something that could appeal more to everyone. If someone’s really your friend, they’ll remain your friend even if you unfollow them on Instagram or you ask them about their academics or favorite hobby instead of their dating life. 

Taking this action is not about being a bad person or a bad friend. Instead, it’s about realizing that you deserve to feel good about yourself. 

Step 6: Be confident and own who you are!

I know, I know. It can be hard to be confident when you don’t have external validation from someone like a significant other. But you know what they say, “Fake it until you make it!”. In fact, I’m faking all of my confidence right now! 

Pretend that you’re fine with the fact that you’ve been single since birth. Walk around USC like you own the place. Dress up like you’re trying to impress someone every day, even if you just have one class. When you fake confidence, you’ll feel more confident, and people notice people who are confident. 

Look, being in college is hard enough already. Don’t make it harder on yourself by beating yourself up over not having a first kiss. This might be cheesy to say, but you only live once, so why not let yourself be happy without depending on others for your happiness? 

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