Here’s What Self Care Really Is (4 Tough Love Tips)

By: Alexis M Peters ‘20

At the end of a long day, you might put on a face mask and light a scented candle. Or maybe you draw yourself a bath and pour yourself a cup of tea to de-stress. This is what most of us would call self care. But I am going to push the boundaries here, and argue that none of that stuff is self care. It’s just the capitalist side of it. Really taking care of yourself is so much more than that, and I believe that these days more than ever, people are forgetting that.

This is a time in history where the pressure to succeed is often greater than our willingness to be happy. It’s a time when being overly busy is applauded even when it comes at the expense of your well-being. You can’t just slap on a face mask and cover up for the missing hours of sleep, or the amount of adrenaline coursing through your veins from all the stress.

I was a spring admit transfer student. Coming to USC was a difficult transition for me to say the least, and I struggled fitting in, finding my niche, and settling on the academic path best for me. The fall before I came to USC, I stayed at home in Chicago working as a barista at a local grocery store.

I despised nearly every second I worked there. Most of the customers were rude, my bosses were terrible, I rarely got breaks, and I often worked alone behind the counter, frantically making one latte after another with an ever growing line of customers. Bottom line: I hated my job.

And then someone said the saddest statement I had ever heard. They told me: “Well, it’s work. It’s not supposed to be fun.” I know there are a lot of people out there who believe that, but it was at that moment that I knew that I had to quit and find something else. I moved on to a much more fun and fulfilling job at the Disney Store later that season.

And this is where self care comes in.

Self care was quitting that job and finding a new one.

Self care was transferring to USC.

Self care was switching my major from something I kinda liked to something I truly loved.

We have so many more opportunities to show ourselves compassion than simply getting a pedicure. Compassion is the true root of it. When you specifically make time for things that you love and make you happy, that is being kind and compassionate to yourself. Instead of simply de-stressing, it is important to fill your life with things that make you feel good, and take away the things that stress you out.

Here are some tough love tips that other people probably aren’t going to give you, but may increase your happiness:

Give Up.

“Never give up.” We’ve probably heard it a million times. But sometimes the best thing for us is to just give up. Stop trying for something that isn’t working, isn’t making you happy, or isn’t allowing you the time for the things you love.

Know When to Quit.

“Winner’s never quit,” they say. But I wholeheartedly disagree. Winners know exactly when to quit. They know if something is not serving their ultimate goal, it’s time to let it go.

Say No.

If you don’t feel like doing something. You don’t have to do it. Simple as that.

Be Selfish.

People really praise selflessness, but it’s important to care for yourself when you really need it. So be “selfish” sometimes and do things for you, according to your wants and needs.

Ask for Help.

Know that it’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to ask for it. No one is perfect. No one can do it all on their own. You are only human. I think one of the greatest things that humans evolved to do is collaborate. You can truly thrive with the support of others.

I know that what I’m saying is much easier said than done, but this semester has been particularly taxing for everyone, and I think that this is something that people need to hear. Not only should you spread compassion to others, but give compassion to yourself.

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