I Stopped Caring About How Society Perceived Me & Haven't Felt More Liberated Since

By Lauren Brose ‘15

When I was in high school I didn’t understand my personal worth. I looked upon my peers for validation and defined my self worth by the number of people who knew and liked me as a person. My lack of self-actualized self-love hindered me from gaining the confidence I now have within myself.

Moreover, I had experienced what many girls that age are all too familiar with: girls being girls. Yeah, high school was eons ago and every angsty teenager will in time look back at his or her early adolescent years in embarrassment for acting with such immaturity— but the thing is, I absolutely hated high school. 

Never feeling fully accepted by my classmates, I isolated myself from the likes of them. As my junior year turned into my senior year I found myself fading into invisibility and I left high school fully ready to have a fresh start and enter the next chapter in my life. College opened my mind to the many possibilities that education could take me and it eventually opened my mind as I learned more and more about myself. I recognized the issue that I had in high school: everyone who belittled me, spoke negatively about me behind my back and spread false rumors purely out of boredom were not the types of people I would want to hang around anyways. No, they were the insecure ones all along and their actions had accomplished exactly what they desired. They wanted me to be insecure just like they were.

I vowed to myself that I would never allow the opinions of outsiders to inflict the way I perceive myself. After all “a lion should not concern himself with the opinion of sheep.” I began to try something out that allowed me to release my bitterness and past inhibitions; I decided that I was going to stop caring and start being myself 100%. If someone didn’t like what I was about, who cares? I am me and I’m not for everyone. Since then, my life has been significantly less stressful. In fact, it’s gotten way better. I stand up for myself without even thinking, I fight my own battles, and I never allow someone to make me feel small. It’s a more efficient way of living because if someone isn’t going to respect me then I don’t want them to waste my time. I have since then made the most genuine, down to earth friends that anyone would dream of getting to know. They accept me for me and glorify my individuality as I admire the strength and realness of their independent personalities.

When one thinks of self-esteem, the more important issues at hand should be considered than looks. What is your view on ambition, morality, intelligence and conviction? Those things are more critical and everlasting than aesthetic qualities of ones exterior. 

When one considers happiness, is it in the hands of another or is it in the hands of the beholder? I find that so many people are rushing to find their happiness through a person who makes them happy. At the end of the day, you should always know that you were happy before him/her, and you can and will be happy if the relationship does not work out. Knowledge is power and so is happiness within yourself.

How are you measuring self-confidence? Are you the type of person who posts only “IG Worthy” photos at crucial times of the day only to find yourself refreshing your feed and counting the number of likes accrued? There is so much vanity with social media these days and I have trouble wrapping my head around why people are so inclined to allow the number of “likes” to determine self-worth. Instead, consider making goals and working your way to achieving something tangible that will ultimately bring real-life success.  

When one considers their identity, is it defined by who you are standing alone or through the people you stand alongside? Conformity and groupthink are safe ways to blend in with what is deemed socially acceptable by your peers. Girls often refuse to be seen in public on the Row unless they have half a dozen snapshots of what their friends are wearing out that night. It seems to me that more likely than not, our surroundings heavily impact who we try to be. It isn’t necessarily bad to be the square peg in a round hole, as I’ve personally never enjoyed being basic. 

It is always important that we own what we’ve got. Why be like everyone else when you can be individual and unique? It’s effortless and totally liberating to stop caring about what people think and to just do you. I bet you’d be more likely to get noticed for having the confidence to stand apart from the crowd.

It is fact that I have met the most interesting people through stepping beyond my comfort zone in social settings and striking conversations with people who I wouldn’t normally approach. Through simply being genuinely nice, infinite doors have opened and the memories made through simply caring only what I think of myself has been the best decision ever made. I’ve come such a long ways since my high school days and I wish I could tell 17-year-old Lauren that it was only going to get better for her.

Just remember, it doesn’t cost anything to be kind to your peers. It really goes a long way since we don’t know what everyone’s story is. An advocate of humanity, I strive to always be inclusive, thoughtful and considerate of people around me. It just makes sense to live this way because to me, if the shoe were on the other foot, I would want them to extend these same considerations to me. Keep in mind that you could have been born less privileged or less fortunate; always be humbled by what life has to give.

On Instagram, I found a number of empowering quotes that directly relate to self worth, surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good, and separating the negative energy from the positive vibes. All found on an account called “Phuckyoquote,” I’ve taken the liberty in including some of my favorite ones: 

“When you know your worth, no one can make you feel worthless”

“Love those who saw ‘you’ when you were invisible to everyone else”

“You’re better off without some people in your life. Let them go so you can grow”

“Friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. Just remember that.”

“We give too many people the power to lower our vibrations. Stand true to your own frequency”

“Ever loved someone so much, you would do anything for them? Yeah, well, make that someone yourself and do whatever the heck you want.”

“You can tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down.”

“True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know you’re great, you have no need to hate”

“Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having”

“Not everyone is going to love you. Most people don’t even love themselves”

“If you’re still looking for that one person who can change your life, take a look in the mirror”