The Problem with the “Real Men” Campaign
Judy Lee ‘17
TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence/Abuse, Sexual Assault
There’s been a lot of talk about sexual assault and domestic violence with Valentine’s Day and the upcoming movie, Fifty Shades of Grey (which is a whole other can of worms), as there should be. In my opinion, these are morose and heinous topics, but also a reality of the world we live in. By keeping silent, victims will continue to be hurt and abusers will not be stopped.
The movement to empower survivors and punish perpetrators is incredible and needs to be ongoing. One of the more popular campaigns of this movement is The Real Men campaign.
Basically, The Real Men campaign condemns and dehumanizes abusers, enforcing the idea that violence is below human sophistication. Sounds simple enough.
They’re words to abide by: don’t do those things or society will shun you as inhumane and therefore subhuman.
However, I have some thoughts on this particular term: “real men”.
Here’s my issue: all men who choose to identify as men, are real men. They’re not action figures or made of plastic—they are ALL real men. It’s kind of like how “real women have curves” can be considered empowering to some, but is a generalization. It puts these men (and women, who are also capable of being abusers), in a box and blames their bad behavior on not being “real people” and denies that men (in the context of this campaign) are capable of abuse.
And it’s true. The man at work, the girl sitting at the front of the class, the boys down the dorm hall, the waitress at the restaurant—they’re all real people and capable of abusing others. Responding to these absolutely unforgivable acts with “it’s because they’re not REAL men” is dismissing the case at hand by refusing to acknowledge that humans are capable of both amazing and horrible things when, in fact, they are.
It’s kinda part of being a complex organism.
The men this campaign targets shouldn’t stop being abusive because they’re “real men”, but because they’re HUMAN. Men who don’t abuse shouldn’t get a pat on the back for being a “real man” because at the end of the day, shouldn’t that be expected? It’s like giving people brownie points for blinking.
Being surprised that there are men who aren’t primal, sex-crazed animals and rewarding them is not only counter-productive—it’s offensive.
Banding together against these crimes is a fantastic and necessary thing. But using generalizations and putting people in scapegoat boxes in order to push it forward isn’t the way to go.
As for Fifty Shades, take a look at this article about the #50dollarsnot50shades hashtag that encourages people to boycott the movie.
And of course, if you or anyone you know is the victim of abuse, please seek help. The number for The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The number for The National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE. The number for the USC Engemann Student Health Center is (213) 740-9355.
