Advice for Navigating Tense Roommate Situations

By: Kathryn Aurelio ‘25

For many of us, coming to college means sharing a very small space 24/7 with another person (especially a stranger) for the very first time. As much as university life means curating consistent health and study habits while being independent of your family, it also welcomes in living with another person striving for the same goals. 

While the honeymoon phase of school begins when we’re eagerly attending welcome events, debriefing afterward, bonding over coffee, and much more, it’s inevitable to have some level of conflict throughout the school year. To nip possible tense situations in the bud, here are words of advice to navigate a co-living life:

Have a mindset that your roommate(s) are your business partner(s)

One of my roommates this year introduced me to this analogy where the dorm/apartment/house is a running business where things need to get done (think chores), and if there’s something that needs to be discussed, we should have meetings (like in a business office). This way, criticism is not taken as a personal attack – just an important suggestion to maintain a steady flow of business.

Set boundaries (at the beginning)

Everyone has a different approach to conflict, and it’s great to understand our own “negative” tendencies. Accordingly, we all have things that are imperative to us. For example, I particularly prioritize safety and locking doors, while others might stress the importance of doing dishes and taking out the trash in a timely manner. Get all of these needs and weaknesses out in the open early. Think of this as a disclaimer so your roommates aren’t “jump scared.”

Discuss the best communication methods

Just like the previous tip, everyone has their preferences for the best way to address conflict. For me, this would be discussing issues via text ASAP. This way, we can address awkward situations in the least skin crawling way possible for everyone involved.

Give each other space (out of sight, out of mind)

No matter what level of conflict is brewing, giving space is important to avoid saying or doing things that you might regret. Give your mind time to calm down and collect your thoughts before acting on “passion.” Head to a study space or lounge area elsewhere on campus to give yourself time to decompress if things get tense at home. 

All in all, treat your roommates with respect and take preventative measures, such as the advice given above, to avoid these tense situations. Your college years are limited and keeping a smooth-sailing home life is imperative to improve your way of life and enjoyment in the best times of your life.

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