Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Pursue A Relationship

By Judy Lee ‘17 

Relationships—especially in college—are an endeavor on their own. As a converging point for so many different people and for so many different disciplines, it’s a lot of things on your plate. Because of its reputation for bringing couples together, sometimes the pressure can get to you in a way it didn’t before. If you’re feeling iffy about a situation regarding being in a committed relationship with someone, make sure you ask yourself these questions as part of your consideration:

What do I want?

Legitimate question. During this time, make sure you are also extremely aware of what you want from the relationship specifically. Additionally, what do you want from not just this relationship, but from your time here at USC? If you know that you won’t have time to foster a relationship, don’t be in one with someone you may end up hurting inadvertently.

What do they want?

Also very important. When have your DTR talk, make sure to bring up your expectations and discuss their so that you’re starting on a fair and level playing field. Yes, it’s awkward at first, but it’ll pay off down the road. If you both don’t see eye to eye in the beginning, it’s better to experience that minor heartache early on than ignore it until if consumes you later.

How much compromise will I have to make?

Similar to question1, will you have to make compromises? Probably. Are you comfortable with that? Depends. There will definitely be compromises that need to be made. After all, you’re two individuals at the end of the day. However, know when a compromise becomes a sacrifice on your part. By this, I mean that you are actually losing out more than you want to on any given situation. If you’re with someone who will constantly make you make sacrifices instead of compromises: avoid, avoid, avoid. 

Are they the right person for me right now?

Someone could be amazing, but if they’re hitting you up at a time that isn’t good for you (ex: spending time with them would take from a time when you need to study or get going on your career, etc), they’re probably not the ideal candidate. This isn’t to say two people can’t be in a relationship if one or more is busy. However, know it’ll be much harder to manage this and work on mitigating the negative that may arise from this.

Are there red flags (picked up by you or those around you)?

Self-explanatory, but often misunderstood. A red flag isn’t just someone who exhibits explicitly sketchy behavior. Too many times, I’ve heard of someone give someone else a pass on a weird feeling because they don’t consider it “that much of a red flag”.

Nu uh. Wrong. If you get a sinking feeling about something, you’re probably right. If you feel this, or any of your loved ones pick up on it, don’t take it lightly. Don’t perceive it as them attacking you, because they probably have your best interests at heart.

Of course, I’m not the expert, nor do I know the inner workings/context of your situation. However, a relationship takes a lot of patience. It shouldn’t be difficult, but it should be well-thought out and approached with a level head.